I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
