if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
