This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
