I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
