Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
