He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He has the fingertips of a God
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
