are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
