The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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