There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
