The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
