Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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