she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
