thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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