Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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