i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
of course. lets lasso hookers.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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