Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
