she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
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