whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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