Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
where am i from again
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
