even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
