Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Come share oat with me in your robe
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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