So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
