Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
