How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize