I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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