filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
