i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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