I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
