How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
