I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
