who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
