So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
