I wish I could punch you in the face.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The ass gains better be worth it
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