so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
