Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
