not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
