I can tuck mytits in my pants
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
