pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Randomize