Small penises have feelings too.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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