What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
