There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I need to stop coming to work sober
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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