I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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