she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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