Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He shit in the fireplace
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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