somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
