Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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