I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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