just tell him i said nine months
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have already put on my inside pants.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
