Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
