pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
