Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize