based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize