Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
