So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
