i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
