She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
