During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
