how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
