Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
