so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
