Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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