well I can't set my house on fire every night
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
