grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I queefed so loud it echoed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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