He is such a slut. More and more my type.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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