i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
