erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize