i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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