I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
