I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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