You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
