people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
