I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
MIDGETS
????
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
