pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
