The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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