Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
