even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
