I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
