I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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