if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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