Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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