Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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