you would pick up someone in the library
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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