Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
