I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
