Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
