did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
