hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize