i would punch a child for taco bell
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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