Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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