and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
