my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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