Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
