Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
