1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
