She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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