so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My vagina is officially offended.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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