My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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