ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
