Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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