hotel room ftw
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
