He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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