just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am one with the molecules
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
