we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize