im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
