i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
