You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
