Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
