You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He better not be in your backpack
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
