O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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