Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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