You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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