I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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