i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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