Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I could fuck to npr.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
